Drugs are fun.
Christ I'm so stressed about the election. I stayed up till midnight. All the polls were way off. In many key states theres only a 1% difference.
For my whole life, my parents have always gone to church and dragged me along, even after I became an atheist/satanist. It used to be bearable because one of my friends had parents who would drag him along and we would chat and goof off. His parents started going to a different church and I haven't seen him since. I was thankful for the pandemic because that meant church was closed. Now church is a thing again. But that's not all, on top of not being allowed to leave the church building. My dad said I can't use my phone or laptop at all during service or I can't have them the rest of the day. That's totally unnecessary. I already told him I'm not gonna comply today because no electronics is totally unnecessary, and he's like "Well you know what's gonna happen, it's your fault" NO IT'S NOT MY FUCKING FAULT. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO MAKES THE RULES and chooses when to enforce them. So I'm 100% gonna not have my laptop or phone for the rest of the day. I swear if that bastard makes me come to this superstitious shithole again I'm gonna draw pentagrams everywhere and tell the kids god isn't real.
I stayed up late and made a 88x31 button for my site.
the old one was a bit cheesy but I'll post it anyways
There is this annoying kid in a lot of my classes, he thinks the gender pay gap isn't real, he literally just tried to justify the murder of george floyd. He said he didn't die of suffocation. Even though he said "I can't breathe" and died. I'm looking over his shoulder and he's looking up whether or not floyd was on drugs, he went on bing and looked at a facebook post. Godamn this guy is a pain in the ass.
Somebody signed the guestbook! LETS GOOOOO!!!
the site views are rising, but nobody has signed the damn guestbook. >:(
Man, sometimes I seriously don't want to live, in those moments, the people I could hurt, logical arguments against suicide, they don't matter. All I want to do is run away from the pain, but I got to stay strong and be brave because I always come out of that place. If you feel suicidal or depressed, if there is one thing I can share with you, it's that-
I understand how you feel.
If you feel suicidal, please listen to the people around you.[Suicide prevention hotline]
Anxiety is fun, my panic attacks have been coming back. I feel angry because someone close to me was calling me immature for doubting myself. Like trying to figure myself doesn't make me a baby or some shit.
Do you ever wonder if you've been traumatized, but have blocked it out?
Ik there is a shitton of stigma around Joji, but dang his tunes SLAP! They really have a lot of well executed methods from vaporwave music, such as the synth pads,
use of the harp. He also includes more modern beats and base, kinda similar to Bazzi in my opinion. I like his music
I think I'm a cynic, but music like his gives me faith in humanity.
I finally decided to post, crazy right?
I've just been really preoccupied with other stuff like doing nothing. A few notable updates from the past month are I've become very at-home on a discord server,
I've transitioned to a full Linux user and it feels great. I know people don't like Linux because it's harder to use, but I enjoy the challenge and it will better
equip me for a career in tech.
Well the game is finished, this week I'm learning Japanese with a friend from school. I've been having a lot of dreams lately, I often have dreams about people chasing me or trying to kill me. I think it's a side affect of my anxiety. Anyways on a lighter note, someone signed my guestbook :D. Also finally switched to Linux.
I'm developing a game this week for school. I've spent the past two days coding it so you can move, but I'm having second thoughts, the graphics are nice but it comes at the cost of the gameplay and makes it hard to code. I'm thinking maybe an exploration game would be better. One where you can trade and go on quests in an open world, maybe I'll even keep the isometric style.
I'm growing to appreciate the early pioneers of the web. It feels like the frontier, you arrive, set up camp and chip away to make yourself a home. It's really something special.
So today I spent about 3 hours dodging my assignments and working on my page. It's been a few months since I've used html so I had to read up.